Emotions and Infertility
Contrary to what our parents and teachers led us to believe in high school, getting pregnant can actually be a very difficult and stressful process. What was once painted as a beautiful image of two people falling in love, falling happily (and excitedly) into the bedsheets together, only to wake up to a positive pregnancy test is now some couple’s nightmare. They’ve fallen in love, sure, and perhaps the first few months of trying were blissful but after months of trying unsuccessfully, the hopelessness, disappointment and depression begin to set in. Depression (+ other mental health struggles) can interfere with conception, however the good news is that by addressing depression through medication and/or mind-body techniques, you can greatly improve your chances of conception - whether natural or assisted (through IUI + IVF).
Did you know? Even healthy women under the age of 35 have a 20 percent chance of conceiving in a given month. That is far less than the 100% chance I was led to believe when I was younger, that’s for sure! Conception relies on many things to take place - getting the timing right, sperm and egg quality, consistency of cervical fluid - but it also relies heavily on a symphony of hormones to work together to allow a healthy, mature egg to be released at the right time and to prepare the uterus to be soft and cushy (an ideal place for a blastocyst to implant).
Dr. Alice Domar is a leading expert in Mind/Body medicine and the effects of emotions on fertility. Her thesis for the effects of depression on fertility is as follows: “A woman who wants very much to be a mother starts trying to conceive. She doesn’t get pregnant right away, and she starts to worry, particularly if she’s older. After months, depression may set in, which in turn interferes with the delicate hormone balance required for conception. Egg quality may be reduced, the release of eggs delayed or the implantation of a fertilized egg in the uterus prevented. Each month she fails to get pregnant, her depression deepens, her hormonal fluctuation continues and her fertility is hampered further. If the woman hs pre-existing depression, infertility is more likely.”
While the fertility journey can be an emotional roller coaster, there are ways to practice presence, grounding and using mind/body tools that are helpful for alleviating feelings of depression. The following are some ideas but it is by no means an inclusive list. Talk to your doctor or therapist to determine which tools and/or medications might work best for you.
Registered Massage Therapy
Journalling
Writing about your experiences throughout your fertility journey can be a reflective and cathartic experience. Take 20 minutes out of your day and just do a brain dump of everything you are experiencing, your frustrations, your hopes and whatever else you can think of. Getting these thoughts out of our brains and onto paper can help us to let go.
Cognitive Restructuring
Our brains can quickly and effectively convince us that what is happening is our fault. Learning to restructure these thoughts is crucial to challenging this way of thinking and allows us to considering another version of reality that may be true. One way to practice cognitive restructuring is through Balanced Statements.
Write down the negative self-statement.
Write down evidence for this statement.
Write down evidence against this statement.
Create a new balanced self-statement/ affirmation.
Visualization/ Meditation
Similar to relaxation/ deep breathing, meditation and visualization can help to calm your mind and reset your nervous system. If you are uncomfortable sitting in silence, there are plenty of guided meditations available on YouTube and Spotify. Visualization also helps you to envision things that actually are possible and helps to put positive thoughts and energy towards it coming true.
Self-Nurture
Self-care is not selfish and you deserve to treat your body and mind well, no matter what you are going through. Treat yourself as you would a friend going through a similar situation. Speak kindly to yourself, let yourself indulge in the latest romance novel, go for a facial or massage, take yourself to the movies or for a coffee. Practice loving kindness to your incredible mind and body.
Seeking out massage therapy can be helpful in so many ways. While it cannot directly contribute to your chances of conception, it can be a helpful tool to reduce tension that you may have from the stress of your fertility journey. It can also help promote circulation in your body, especially around your reproductive organs. But most of all, it can help you connect with your body and remind you that you deserve and are worthy of feeling good despite the outcome each month.
Relaxation/ Deep Breathing
Think of this as a mini nervous system reset. Take 20 to 30 minutes and breathe in and out deeply and slowly. One trick you can use is breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, breathe out for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts and repeat. This can help when you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed or if your thoughts start getting away from you.
Social Support
It is very easy to feel like you are going through this alone, but I assure you that you’re not. Seeking out support groups, retreats, or other resources that put you in touch with other people in similar situations can prevent you from feeling isolated in your experience. If you feel comfortable, you can also share your experience with friends and family so you may lean on them in the tougher times as well.
Movement
Movement creates endorphins - the happy hormone. Even on the days you don’t feel like it, move your body even just a little bit. This will help get your blood flowing and increase circulation, but it will also help to shift your mood and your mindset.
These are just a few tangible yet effective practices that you can start incorporating into your life right now. The fertility journey may be exhausting and emotionally draining but by incorporating some mind-body tools, you can start to change your wellbeing in preparation for healthy conception and a joyful pregnancy.
